"Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change..."

I've been doing a lot of self reflection this past week. Observing myself and my life, and what it's become over the past year.
The past five and half months, I feel like I've been transported to a whole new world, where everything is new and unknown; still considered to be somewhat of a 'newcomer' to the Creston Valley, quite wet behind the ears when it comes to marraige, and making the extremely taxing decision to quit my job.
The past one and half months I've been travelling through un-charted waters of my own. Experiencing life as an un-employed Canadian citizen, entering a whole new world of knowledge through the Karen Pryor Academy and it's Dog Trainer Program, all while attempting to teach and grow alongside an eager, but unstable puppy.
To say that any of these adjustments and challenges have been easy, would be vastly incorrect.

I obtained my first job when I was in the ninth grade (approximately 14 years of age) working as the kennel staff at a busy veterinary clinic in White Rock, BC. Since the day I started that position, I never looked back, nor slowed down.
To say that five and half months ago when I quit my job my life came to a screeching halt, would be an invalid comment.
Almost immediately after leaving my job in Creston, I travelled up North to perform a two week locum at a veterinary clinic in Fort St John, BC. I returned three weeks later and did another two week locum. A week after returning home from the Great White North, I travelled down to Langley BC and worked for the Boundary Bay Specialty Center for 2 months. I finally returned home to Creston in the New Year. I now haven't worked for a month and a half; during this time starting my schooling to become a dog trainer.
When you put it all down on paper, it sounds like a lot.....yet I feel as though I haven't done enough.

I feel priviledged and proud to call myself an Animal Health Technician. The AHT program is a trying 2-year diplomma program that will either make or break you, and my fellow students can attest to that. A Technician's job is not an easy one; we do not cuddle cute puppies and kittens all day long. A technician is a nurse, a kennel attendant, an anesthetist, an educator, a friend, a caregiver, and a shoulder to cry on, all in the span of one day. We get to witness the miracle of birth, and bear the heartbreak of death. Yet, at the end of the day, we are passionate about what we do, and we'll do it all over again the next day.
I have been fortunate enough to have worked with many amazing veterinarians, technicians, and students throughout my short career. Since the beginning of it all, when I started my first job as a kennel attendant, I have grown a strong love for animals, and for the field of medicine I am involved in.

Once of my favorite FSJ patients -  a sweet little Chihuahua who's name has evaded my memory!

Here I am, sitting in front of my latop, surrounded by my pets, with the passion of a caregiver oozing from my pores. Each day that I don't have the opportunity to practice my skills and share my expertise, I feel like a lose a bit of myself in each passing moment. I'm almost afraid to let my hands rest by my side, worrying that my passion and talent will start to leak out from my fingertips.
Each locum I leave, I wonder how many people are murmuring behind my back: "What's next for her? It's such a shame that she's selling herself short...."
I know I've asked myself those same questions over and over again...

I've submerged myself in my training program the best I can, knowing that I am priviledged to have such an incredible opportunity. Animal behavior became a passion of mine during my AHT schooling, and I feel that with the proper knowledge and skills, it will be yet another way to make a difference in animals' lives.

At the end of the day, who's to know what is the 'right thing to do?' Who's to say that you've done your best, given it your all?
Most days I am OK telling myself that I'm doing what I have to for my family. We're fortunate that Chris has a job that allows us to be comfortable and secure.
Other days the sting of unfairness hits me like a whip.
I know that I simply have to be strong - but what does that involve? Is being resilient about me making personal sacrifices to be here for my family? Should I forget about what 'once was' and try to build a new life here in Creston? Or is being strong biting the bullet and working those locums and placing miles between me and my husband, so that I can feel that I am making a difference in the world?
I'm waiting for my moment of clarity; for the clouds to part and someone of greater authority to shine down and me and grant me with the knowledge that I am travelling down the right path.
I won't hold my breath....